Always wondered how everyone said hearts are broken, and how things are thought by the mind and only felt by heart. Always thought it was just plain stupid to think that brain had nothing to do with it. Well scientifically it really really does. But, yes, I have felt otherwise strongly. Like when the first time I felt I was madly in love, and was dumped, I felt something, some actual burning sensation inside my chest, inside my heart that I just couldn't stop. Like there was something pinching me inside, like I would never feel normal again. But of course, in some time everyone realizes its better to move on and get on with your own lives. How I keep craving for something new, for someone new. How I can never really settle for one thing. May be I am not meant for that! May be I always want to keep searching, may be thats my hobby! I mean, how can I just have one thing if I can see so much right there in front of me? How can I not be everything that I want to be? Why shall I choose ONE, just one? Isn't it unjust? I am not good at just one activity. I mean, sure, I like singing, I like writing, I like photography, I like reading, I love music, I like traveling... But, how can these compete?! Why cant I do EVERYTHING, just everything? May be there isn't that much time... Or I guess I am way too hesitant, or lazy for being so extra ordinary. But, there is nothing extra ordinary in loving so many things!
And probably, its not just with activities or things, its also with people. No one likes to choose. Why cant I love everyone, equally? Whats the point in binding someone, saying, "Hey, your mine, and you have to be with me, and love only and only me and only and only things that I love until you die." Don't you feel the cruelty in it already? Picture yourself as a bird. A very happy, free, kind, bird that loves going around and spreading love and being with people, and there comes a man, who woes you by giving back love... but well, that what you've wanted because thats how you thought the world works. So, after you're lured, he puts you in a cage, because he wants to preserve your beauty and he says that he will love you like that. But the reality is, that what he did love about you was that sense of freedom, or that happiness that you had when you could fly and love and be yourself and not be caged. Thats just murder, its cruelty. Sometimes, that man, also likes other birds that he wants to cage, but your not allowed to see anything else but the cage and the man.
So what is it that I want? I dont know. Do I want to be free? YES. Do I want to fly far? YES! Am I afraid? Yes. But the point is, I dont want to regret. The time I've spent on my free will, I don't want to look back and say I could have done so much, now I just have to live with this cage...
And probably, its not just with activities or things, its also with people. No one likes to choose. Why cant I love everyone, equally? Whats the point in binding someone, saying, "Hey, your mine, and you have to be with me, and love only and only me and only and only things that I love until you die." Don't you feel the cruelty in it already? Picture yourself as a bird. A very happy, free, kind, bird that loves going around and spreading love and being with people, and there comes a man, who woes you by giving back love... but well, that what you've wanted because thats how you thought the world works. So, after you're lured, he puts you in a cage, because he wants to preserve your beauty and he says that he will love you like that. But the reality is, that what he did love about you was that sense of freedom, or that happiness that you had when you could fly and love and be yourself and not be caged. Thats just murder, its cruelty. Sometimes, that man, also likes other birds that he wants to cage, but your not allowed to see anything else but the cage and the man.
So what is it that I want? I dont know. Do I want to be free? YES. Do I want to fly far? YES! Am I afraid? Yes. But the point is, I dont want to regret. The time I've spent on my free will, I don't want to look back and say I could have done so much, now I just have to live with this cage...
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