Creativity

Whats creativity? Creation, right? Creating something that didn't exist. Does creativity even exist? I mean, you think of something, and say, "Hey! This is my new awesome idea!" and you Google it, and someone's already done it. Telephone was something people thought of creating together being in different parts of the world. Same was with the airplane. So, what is it? Why so much talk about being creative. Well, I guess, just the fact that everyone wants to be recognized, everyone wants attention.
   Creativity can be organized. Creativity can be fragmented. Creativity can be randomness. Is anything ever going to be completely original? I ask too many questions don't I? But that's somewhere my creation, asking rhetorical stuff. Creativity doesnt even necessarily have to make sense. It can just be some creation. Like this text here- "hujllbizaahtrfsg hindfrvknguj,pomkbbumlojnyt! tto bjnimm inu?" On  the exact same thing, I can also say, everything done is creative. The exact same thing has something different to it. If someone says something, and I repeat it, there is going to be something different in my tone, pronunciation, and the sound of my voice. I can state a creative story, that doesn't make even a bit of sense. Or even if there is sense, its just not something that is possible, or may be just some broken stuff rearranged.

Random Creation: You're walking, you suddenly fall into a small puddle, which actually is just nothing. All of a sudden, there is whiteness around you. Nothing else. Just white. Can be color, can be light. You cant open your eyes, the white is getting closer. You accidentally touch it and it starts to burn. It gets unbearably hot and you catch fire. And then you think of the puddle, and you're back to the water. You wonder what just happened. Was it a dream? Were you day dreaming? Why would to day dream about something so weird or morbid? Maybe most questions don't have have answers. Or if they do, they would just be as weird as the question itself.

Courage.

Every single thing done in consciousness needs courage. Sometimes ignorance helps. I blame my childhood for being such a cowherd. I wouldn’t talk to anyone. Refused to go to loud places with people. To top it all, I had low blood pressure as a child. Whenever I would panic I would faint. My parents would go to every teacher in my school to tell them what precautionary measures to take if I was going to fall unconscious or if I already have. So teachers probably just threw me into a category of weak, or disabled. Out of pity they would restrict me from playing games normal kids did. Seemed fun then, now it just feels like I was taught to be aloof.
  It feels more like a way of life now, like its ALWAYS awkward talking to someone. Its always difficult to answer something. Afraid of making a mess. Afraid of hurting someone. Afraid of making a fool of myself. When I try so hard teaching myself that they don’t matter. No one does. But it just never leaves my head. Instead of me wanting someone else to help me through it, I wish someday I can just be, be me. Be happy being me. Not kill myself, my desires, only because I am worried about who is going to be thinking what about me. I don’t get it. What makes it so hard? Why have I become something I don’t want to be?