Courage.

Every single thing done in consciousness needs courage. Sometimes ignorance helps. I blame my childhood for being such a cowherd. I wouldn’t talk to anyone. Refused to go to loud places with people. To top it all, I had low blood pressure as a child. Whenever I would panic I would faint. My parents would go to every teacher in my school to tell them what precautionary measures to take if I was going to fall unconscious or if I already have. So teachers probably just threw me into a category of weak, or disabled. Out of pity they would restrict me from playing games normal kids did. Seemed fun then, now it just feels like I was taught to be aloof.
  It feels more like a way of life now, like its ALWAYS awkward talking to someone. Its always difficult to answer something. Afraid of making a mess. Afraid of hurting someone. Afraid of making a fool of myself. When I try so hard teaching myself that they don’t matter. No one does. But it just never leaves my head. Instead of me wanting someone else to help me through it, I wish someday I can just be, be me. Be happy being me. Not kill myself, my desires, only because I am worried about who is going to be thinking what about me. I don’t get it. What makes it so hard? Why have I become something I don’t want to be?

Apathetically Bored.

Something is going wrong. I don't know where. Or is it going right? I don't feel those emotions any more. I don't feel the love any more, that fire that I bore inside. That feeling of being sensitive. Is it wrong, is it right? I know it wont give me pain. But might not even have that intoxication any more. I don't feel as tired, like I always complain. May be am just plain bored. Even tired to explain. I want to live, I want to feel I don't want you ranting behind my back talking about me. I don't care what you think of me when you don't even know me, because somewhere you're just at loss.

 Dear sweet baby, our lives are different, we have to part our ways, but at what cost? Just because someone thinks you're wrong, would you accept defeat? I don't understand, is it that we're just not worth it?
  Don't feel that tingle when you touch, neither when you kiss, but still hurts to tell you I don't understand why you aren't the one I miss... Do you think you are trying to save us? Because I just don't see it. You're so consumed within, that you don't worry about who is in pain.