Trying so hard for the apology.

Don't understand why things all of a sudden, without an explanation become so messy. When you're constantly wondering, why is he behaving this way? What is so wrong that I've done? Is my voice irritating? Am I bugging you too much? Do you need space? Is my ugliness the reason? I hear a lot of times from so many people that am dumb, may be its the same thing you want to prove too. I am sorry for being irritating! For making you frustrate over everything I do. Sorry for making you feel that I am a mistake, talking to me is a mistake. I hate it when you are upset... Hate it when you are angry... Hate it when you dont behave they way you are... And try everything possible to make things normal. But I guess its just my fault.
That one day, when I was out with you for a coffee, probably was the best day of my life. And the difference can be seen so well now. I feel as if I am some kind of disgusting thing that you want to get rid of. All my questions, everything I say sounds like garbage... doesnt it? I cant stay too long without hearing from you, do you think its possible for me to live whole of my life? If you knew so much, why led me on?
If you say that this is the real you, than I write this up an tell you that you were something else sometime ago. A person who would say sorry at the most dumbest thing and the smallest mistake, now behaves as if I was the one mistake that was the worst.
You've made my life beautiful, you made things so real. Made me realise that not everything is a fairytale. And well, yes you are right...! Fairy tales have happy endings. I've never had one yet. And may be if its the way you say its is supposed to be, than its impossible. All I've ever wanted, it comes with a price. I never thought things would ever come to such a terrible extent.
Every time you were upset, I couldnt see that there, I wanted you to be happy. I remember you telling me that you cant always be happy, cant always smile and cant always crack jokes and make things funny. But I guess, I'd never be happy. I was always so scared of you, but may be that is what you wanted.
                                                                                                                                     -With all my love.
                                                                                                                                        your kid.