Hey, Hey, My, My... Rock 'n' Roll Can Never Die

  When I was a kid, I only listened to the stuff on MTV or VH1 and my brother had a huge collection of music. All the amazing old stuff. He would also buy music online, or sometimes when people weren't selling there music commercially yet he would ask them if he could buy their stuff. Which is real nice thing to do if you ask me. Although he could do these things back then because he was earning. I, on the other hand am not yet, so I have to resort to sharing or downloading. So the kind of music I listened to then was mostly just a lot of Pop or Rap, or Hip Hop. Now I have nothing against this kind of music, but sometimes you don't know what you're missing out on when you haven't tasted the best. As a kid I didn't know why people were so crazy about a bunch of old music. May be because they're growing old I thought. This music in reality way older then them!
     After my listen-to-everything-in-trend phase I jumped to hard rock, or metal. That was a huge leap. Why did I do that? I wanted to prove to someone really annoying that I listen to all sorts of music, when in reality I wasn't even close to it. Maybe I will never be. I listened to aggressive stuff because it helped me cope with things. Sometimes you need to increase the volumes outside to drown out the voices inside. After that suddenly, and I don't know why or how that happened but I shifted to really soft mellow acoustic indie stuff.
   I met a guy in grey, from this random place that I never expected to meet him from. He told me about how much he liked Pink Floyd. Of course I'd heard of them but never actually heard them. Maybe once I'd heard Comfortably numb because my brother said it was a good song, but I didn't listen to it with my heart. The first song he shared with me was Smile-David Gilmour. After that night I couldn't stop listening to it! It felt like I was floating on the clouds. Like all my worries were going to melt away. Then the next song he suggested was Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd. That was the time I asked myself how did I not listen to them until now? What could have been the reason for me to not listen to such amazing pieces?
   Then the man in grey t-shirt told me that he liked the early Floyd more, the time when Syd Barrett was in the band. Since my first song was by David Gilmour I couldn't accept Syd much because Gilmour himself is a great guitar player. But every time I would look at a picture of Syd, it would remind me of the man in grey. Which was absurd, but it still happens. So this one day, I saw a documentary on Syd. Man, did I cry like a baby! Then I decided to download Syd's full discography. Maybe its not for everyone, I suggested it to some people but they don't like it as much. Although I think he was a lyrical genius.
    After this something really awesome happened, I discovered NARNIA on Tumblr. I mean that Tumblr is Narnia for people who are part of a fandom. For me, Classic Rock had already chosen me. I discovered my love for Syd, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, The Doors, The Who, The Velvet Underground, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Elvis Presley, King Crimson, Jimmy Hendrix and just too many more.

I Should Read This Every Morning

Everything is one. It's there one moment disappears the other. Nothing lasts forever. This is it. Everything is meaningless. Make this count. Use it as a game. Don't get serious, don't expect stuff. Let it flow. You can't quit, but choose another path. Breathe. Bathe in the beauty. Bask in the sunlight. Feel the sand between your toes. Let it rain. Feel the pain. It won't come again. Pleasure yourself by all possible means. Eat all you want. Cry your eyes out. Don't get attached to this. It's not going to stay. Keep jumping or you'll fall on your face.
You'll want to be like they say you should, but how are they doing? Are they living their dream? If they are, even that's a phase, there's never one dream when you are too close to one you'll want another. Keep jumping. You'll want to attach because that's how you're programmed. But it won't last either. You were born alone you will die alone. You don't need anyone's approval to live life. They're mortals too. They are not superior to you, neither are you superior to them. Things that begin will end. It's okay to feel bad about it. But the reason you feel bad about it is because you expected it to last forever, which was your fault. People are vicious they like to coat themselves up with a mask because that's what you're supposed to be, but sadly supposed to bes and ares are poles apart. Your heat beats differently every minute. You're growing older every minute. Get over it. Things will always happen. They're happening right now. Pay attention.

Inseperable

                                                                        PART II
        Shweta was wearing her favorite blue frock and sitting quietly on the chair next to her mother. Bored she kept telling her she wants to go home. Her mother replies, "Just a little while dear, why don't you go play with your cousins?"
"But I don't want to, they keep telling me to wait on the side and that I'm not old enough to play with them"
She was only six and all her cousins were a decade older who preferred playing their own games that would not include a kid.
"Its going to end soon I promise, its the last part of the wedding. Go get a plate of ice cream from the counter" She comes back with vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce poured all over it. Shweta decides to wait until it melts a little because it tastes better.
       The bride is now leaving the hall and a group of people are around her, some crying, some consoling each other.
"Ma, why are didi and maasi crying?"
"Didi is going to her new home"
"Whats wrong with her old home?"
"She is going to live with Shreyash jiju"
"Will maasi go to the new home?"
"No, maasi will live her in her old home"
"Why is she going if she doesn't want to go?"
"She is going because she loves Shreyash jiju and wants to start a family with him"
"So why is she crying?"
"Because she will miss her ma"
Shweta is quiet for a while. She decides she doesn't want to eat the ice cream anymore and puts aside the plate on the chair next to hers.
"So will I have to go like Divya didi?"
"Well, if you get married you would"
"But I dont want to go! I want to stay with you!"
"We'll see about that when you're Divya didi's age"
"Will you let me go? You don't even let me go to Anuja's house"
"That's because she lives far and you're still a little small to travel all alone"
The mother then stands up to meet the bride the last time. When she comes back to her chair, she is wiping tears off her eyes.
"Ma, did you cry when you got married?"
"I did not, your pappa had a bet with your mamas that I wont cry. So I didn't" She smiled.
"So you don't miss your ma?" She went silent. Stood up and hugged her. "Until I got married, I couldn't imagine life without her. Wouldn't you miss your ma?"
"I'm not going anywhere ma. I promise. I love you soooooooo much" She said with her arms open wide.
 Shweta's mother kissed her on the cheek as she fell asleep on her shoulder.

The Big Day.

                                                                  PART I

She stood there, in front of the mirror in her wedding dress. Big day she thought. Do I really want this? she felt sick and anxious. She wasn't the only one in the room. Next to her was her mother and cousins and sister in laws mocking each other and joking about who is getting married next. In all of that chaos, when her mother says, that she had only spent 21 years of her life in her mother's house but 38 years with her husband, the panic kicked in. There was so much confusion all of a sudden. In all the married couples, all the relationships she had seen and had been into she never really saw the endurance of what people called love. It was there but then it was more like 'I know you are always going to be by my side, so why should I care?' She felt like she was choking, and as if the heater was at full blast in the middle of December. She excused herself to the rest room, and even though it was difficult to wash her face because it would ruin everything done on her face from the last 30 minutes by the make up guy, she wanted to cool down.
   Finally picking up the phone she calls her fiancé, "Hello?"
"Hey baby, what happened, I thought if we weren't supposed to see each other, we weren't even supposed to talk. Everything okay?"
"I don't know if I can do this"
"What happened? Are you okay?"
"No I am not, there is something inside me that says this is the end. The end of all that I've felt for you all these years. I really feel so scared, I dont want this to be over, its like I am so sure this is not going to be the same after some years. And after a decade or so we might even hate those things about each other because of which we fell in love"
"Okay, wait. Just do me one favor, will you?"
"Yes?"
"Meet me on the second floor, room number 216"

She hung up the phone. Got out of the washroom, and went straight to her best friend. "Shruti!", "There you are, what were you doing in there for so long? You have to understand we have only an hour to get all this done Shweta, we wont get it done if you keep wasting time!" 
"No Shruti wait! I am not feeling very well, I need some fresh air. I'll be back in about fifteen minutes, please dont be mad?"
"Fifteen minutes?! Are you crazy? We'll have to reschedule everything!"
"Please?" She said with a voice that made Shruti realize something wasn't right. "What happened? Are you alright?" "Second thoughts about this whole thing.." "What whole thing? This decoration? I told you to look through properly before deciding, you were so con..." "No, not the decoration! This thing, this marriage"
"Okay, do one thing, go get some fresh air, everybody gets cold feet before they do something big, just breathe a little"
"See you in a bit"
"Please don't be too long"
She reached the second floor, and knocked on the door of room 216. He opened the door and smiled at her. She went in, and hugged him. "You okay?"
"Not exactly"
"What happened?"
"I am scared"
"What scares you?"
"Honestly I don't know! Maybe that this is only chance I have, and I really don't to mess up. Or may be I could be doing so many other things than taking up this huge responsibility. There was even a time in my life when I swore never to get married, was I right then? Should I have traveled more? Should I be doing more things that I cant ever do again?"
"Listen sweetheart, we're only getting married, not dying!"
"Then why do I feel like I am choking?
"Do you want to do this some other time?" "Do what?"
"The wedding?"

Tip Of The Iceberg.

So many times I describe myself as something and then I realize No! Thats not me! That is someone else. I never truly understood who or what I really am. I believe in Zodiac a lot, maybe because of too many co-incidences. Born on 9th of March, I am a Pisces. But the moon sign says am also a Capricorn. Pisces is fragile and sensitive. Capricorn is ambitious and hates failing. I think its a deadly combination.
   How I like mellow music and Metal or Hard rock. They're opposite, but I love them.
Sometimes its like I am constantly on a war with my own self. The calm one, or the one who shouts and doesn't stop? The one who asks, or the one who hold's it in? A very common fight that the voices in my head have is, "No, this is the right thing. I should do this. This wont harm anyone. Maybe would harm me. But at least that is not a mistake then" when the other voice says, "What are you doing? Don't do this! You know how much you've waited for something nice to happen. Don't let this chance go."
   One part of me wants to be in the crowd, laugh and dance, but the other just doesn't know how to fit in, so it wants to be alone and not make mistakes. She wants to be that person, who travels the world, lives, does. Wants to do those things that she finds so much fun, but is so afraid and doesn't know how to handle things. So she'd rather prefer being somewhere under the blanket and escape all of it. And not only escape the bad parts, but also the ones she wants to experience.
   When just one thing makes her feel like another person altogether who is worth nothing, that phase lasts longer than the phase where she feels like she can conquer the world. I wouldn't categorize those voices are good and bad. They're both me. But it is definitely what I choose to give out.
That one feeling, of seeing the smile fade away from anyone's face, frightens me.

Creativity

Whats creativity? Creation, right? Creating something that didn't exist. Does creativity even exist? I mean, you think of something, and say, "Hey! This is my new awesome idea!" and you Google it, and someone's already done it. Telephone was something people thought of creating together being in different parts of the world. Same was with the airplane. So, what is it? Why so much talk about being creative. Well, I guess, just the fact that everyone wants to be recognized, everyone wants attention.
   Creativity can be organized. Creativity can be fragmented. Creativity can be randomness. Is anything ever going to be completely original? I ask too many questions don't I? But that's somewhere my creation, asking rhetorical stuff. Creativity doesnt even necessarily have to make sense. It can just be some creation. Like this text here- "hujllbizaahtrfsg hindfrvknguj,pomkbbumlojnyt! tto bjnimm inu?" On  the exact same thing, I can also say, everything done is creative. The exact same thing has something different to it. If someone says something, and I repeat it, there is going to be something different in my tone, pronunciation, and the sound of my voice. I can state a creative story, that doesn't make even a bit of sense. Or even if there is sense, its just not something that is possible, or may be just some broken stuff rearranged.

Random Creation: You're walking, you suddenly fall into a small puddle, which actually is just nothing. All of a sudden, there is whiteness around you. Nothing else. Just white. Can be color, can be light. You cant open your eyes, the white is getting closer. You accidentally touch it and it starts to burn. It gets unbearably hot and you catch fire. And then you think of the puddle, and you're back to the water. You wonder what just happened. Was it a dream? Were you day dreaming? Why would to day dream about something so weird or morbid? Maybe most questions don't have have answers. Or if they do, they would just be as weird as the question itself.

Courage.

Every single thing done in consciousness needs courage. Sometimes ignorance helps. I blame my childhood for being such a cowherd. I wouldn’t talk to anyone. Refused to go to loud places with people. To top it all, I had low blood pressure as a child. Whenever I would panic I would faint. My parents would go to every teacher in my school to tell them what precautionary measures to take if I was going to fall unconscious or if I already have. So teachers probably just threw me into a category of weak, or disabled. Out of pity they would restrict me from playing games normal kids did. Seemed fun then, now it just feels like I was taught to be aloof.
  It feels more like a way of life now, like its ALWAYS awkward talking to someone. Its always difficult to answer something. Afraid of making a mess. Afraid of hurting someone. Afraid of making a fool of myself. When I try so hard teaching myself that they don’t matter. No one does. But it just never leaves my head. Instead of me wanting someone else to help me through it, I wish someday I can just be, be me. Be happy being me. Not kill myself, my desires, only because I am worried about who is going to be thinking what about me. I don’t get it. What makes it so hard? Why have I become something I don’t want to be?